Tuesday, March 06, 2007

An ode to Ron Artest

With a storied career left hanging in the balance,
For a man of so many immeasurable "talents",
I scribe this ode, at every sports fan's behest,
To the man, the legend, Mr. Ron Artest.

From Queens to St. John's you always brought your game,
And it wasn't too long after, that the NBA was calling your name.
And while the Bulls thought that you could be their next great star,
You applied at Circuit City to get a discount on that stereo for your car.
But alas, Chicago was no place for you I suppose,
And soon thereafter you were traded for Travis Best and Jalen Rose.

In Indy you arrived with great fanfare and promise,
And somehow you shined despite working with Isaiah Thomas.
Although you destroyed a TV camera during your tenure there,
You were also honored as NBA Defensive Player of the Year.
But alas, your life changed with one flip of the cup,
And although he had been patient, Larry Legend decided your time was up.

Out west you were shipped to be King of the Kings,
But even your Defense could bring them no rings.
After your dogs were taken hungry and howling to the moon,
It was inevitable that you too would be leaving Sac-Town soon.
But alas, you gave Geoff Petrie an easy excuse,
To kick you off the team for domestic abuse.

Now with a future very much in doubt,
And a poor reputation leaving you the littlest of clout.
We bid you adieu, Tru Warier, you fading star,
And marvel that wife-beating is just a blip on your radar.


Musical Accompaniment provided by: Ron Artest

10 comments:

bjorn said...

that could quite possibly have been the greatest thing ever written

Tom said...

Incredible work.

MB said...

Well done, it had good flow and was enjoyable.

Truehoop linked it also.

Anonymous said...

RON ARTEST is only 27 years old, married to his high school sweetheart, who together have 3 kids, is a professional athlete, has a budding music career, makes 7 million per year, owns a mansion on 5 acres, has four dogs, and also supports his very large family back home... Have any of you considered that maybe he is just a little overwhelmed??? -- He is FLESH and BLOOD -- You guys sound like rabid ANIMALS trolling the internet.. for PREY. Why don't you google a blog on O.J. or some other athlete who has been accused of rape or other horrible crime... Do even ONE of you personally know Artest? I bet it really befuddles you that those who KNOW Artest, love him. Even his teammates like him & I'm sure they know him very well!!!!!!!! Sorry, but I think it is YOU GUYS who are at the BOTTOM of the TANK!

Aaron said...

Hey Ron, hows it going?

route666 said...

5 domestic incidents in less than a year. Yeah, sounds like a real sweetheart. Takes a real man to beat on his wife/girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

The 911 transcript reveals that Ron Artest's wife Kimsha, called to complain that RON ARTEST was taking her car. The dispatcher, after getting more info replied, "Maam, RON ARTEST'S NAME is ON THE TITLE so he has a right to take the car." SILENCE... The dispatcher then asks if they had been fighting and "are you injured?" "I have a cut on my finger and a scratch on my leg," she stated. Doesn't sound like hard core case of spouse abuse to me. They have some things to work out. Give them the privacy they deserve so they can. No marriage is PERFECT!

PTPers10 said...

Your argument is most persuasive. Seriously, whose wife hasn't called the cops while bleeding. Honestly, people.

P.S. I think the ALL CAPS won me over. FORCEFUL!

Aaron said...

Dude, are you seriously taking this blog and a light hearted (and true) poem to take a stand to defend Ron Artest? This is not the forum to do it, we are not a big enough medium. Go to Deadspin or something

PTPers10 said...

Don't try and confuse people with your "logic", Aaron. Anonymous posting isn't PERFECT! LOUD NOISES!

P.S. The internet is not a big enough forum to handle me.